`Yes, you must be a blind thing, Liddy!' she said in reckless abandonment and grief. `O, I love him to very distraction and misery and agony! Don't be frightened at me, though perhaps I am enough to frighten any innocent woman. Come closer - closer.' She put her arms round Liddy's neck. `I must let it out to somebody; it is wearing me away! Don't you yet know enough of me to see through that miserable denial of mine? O God, what a lie it was! Heaven and my love forgive me. And don't you know that a woman who loves at all thinks nothing of perjury when it is balanced against her love? There, go out of the room; I want to be quite alone.'
Liddy went towards the door.
`Liddy, come here. Solemnly swear to me that he's not a fast man; that it is all lies they say about him!'
`But, miss, how can I say he is not if--'
`You graceless girl! How can you have the cruel heart to repeat what they say? Unfeeling thing that you are... But I'll see if you or anybody else in the village, or town either, dare do such a thing!' She started off pacing from fireplace to door, and back again.
`No, miss. I don't - I know it is not true!' said Liddy frightened at Bathsheba's unwonted vehemence.
`I suppose you only agree with me like that to please me. But Liddy, he cannot be bad, as is said. Do you hear?'
`Yes, miss, yes.'
`And you don't believe he is?'
`I don't know what to say, miss,' said Liddy, beginning to cry. `If I say No, you don't believe me; and if I say Yes, you rage at me!'
`Say you don't believe it - say you don't!'
`I don't believe him to be so bad as they make out.'
`He is not bad at all... My poor life and heart, how weak I am!' she moaned, in a relaxed, desultory way, heedless of Liddy's presence. `O, how I wish I had never seen him! loving is misery for women always. I shall never forgive God for making me a woman, and dearly am I beginning to pay for the honour of owning a pretty face.' She freshened and turned to Liddy suddenly. `Mind this, Lydia Smallbury, if you repeat anywhere a single word of what I have said to you inside this closed door, I'll never trust you, or love you, or have you with me a moment longer - not a moment!'
`I don't want to repeat anything,' said Liddy, with womanly dignity of a diminutive order; `but I don't wish to stay with you. And, if you please, I'll go at the end of the harvest, or this week, or to-day... I don't see that I deserve to be put upon and stormed at for nothing!' concluded the small woman, bigly.
`No, no, Liddy; you must stay!' said Bathsheba, dropping from haughtiness to entreaty with capricious inconsequence. `You must not notice my being in a taking just now. You are not as a servant - you are a companion to me. Dear, dear - I don't know what I am doing since this miserable ache o' my heart has weighted and worn upon me so! What shall I come to! I suppose I shall get farther and farther into troubles. I wonder sometimes if I am doomed to die in the Union. I am friendless enough, God knows!'
`I won't notice anything, nor will I leave you!' sobbed Liddy, impulsively putting up her lips to Bathsheba's, and kissing her.
Then Bathsheba kissed Liddy, and all was smooth again.
`I don't often cry, do I, Lidd? but you have made tears come into my eyes,' she said, a smile shining through the moisture. `Try to think him a good man, won't you, dear Liddy?'
`I will, miss, indeed.'
`He is a sort of steady man in a wild way you know. That's better than to be as some are, wild in a steady way. I am afraid that's how I am. And promise me to keep my secret - do, Liddy! And do not let them know` that I have been crying about him, because it will be dreadful for me, and no good to him, poor thing!'
`Death's head himself shan't wring it from me, mistress, if I've a mind to keep anything; and I'll always be your friend,' replied Liddy emphatically, at the same time bringing a few more tears into her own eyes, not from any particular necessity, but from an artistic sense of making herself in keeping with the remainder of the picture, which seems to influence women at such times. `I think God likes us to be good friends, don't you?'
`Indeed I do.'
`And, dear miss, you won't harry me and storm at me, will you? because you seem to swell so tall as a lion then, and it frightens me! Do you know, I fancy you would be a match for any man when you are in one of your takings.'
`Never! do you?' said Bathsheba, slightly laughing, though somewhat seriously alarmed by this Amazonian picture of herself. `I hope I am not a bold sort of maid - mannish?' she continued with some anxiety.
`O no, not mannish; but so almighty womanish, that 'tis getting on that way sometimes. Ah! miss,' she said, after having drawn her breath very sadly in and sent it very sadly out, `I wish I had half your failing that way. 'Tis a great protection to a poor maid in these illegit'mate days!'
