登陆注册
12109100000040

第40章

'It's true,'she went on,'we creatures of chance have weird desires and unimaginable passions.Sometimes we give ourselves for one thing,sometimes for another.There are men who could ruin themselves and get nowhere with us;there are others who can have us for a bunch of flowers.Our hearts are capricious:it's their only diversion and their only excuse.I gave myself to you more quickly than I ever did to another man,I swear.Why?Because when you saw me coughing blood,you took me by the hand,because you wept,because you are the only human being who ever felt sorry for me.I'm now going to tell you something silly.Once I had a little dog who used to look at me with sad eyes when I coughed:he was the only living creature I have ever loved.'

'When he died,I cried more than after my mother's death.Mind you,she did spend twelve years of her life beating me.Well,from the start,I loved you as much as my dog.If men only knew what can be had with just one tear,they would be better loved and we should ruin fewer of them.'

'Your letter gave you away:it showed me that you didn't understand the workings of the heart,and it injured you more in the love.I had for you than anything else you could have done.It was jealousy,of course,but a sarcastic,haughty kind of jealousy.I was feeling miserable when I got the letter.I was counting on seeing you at midday,on having lunch with you,hoping the sight of you would chase away a thought I kept having which,before I knew you,never bothered me in the least.'

'Then again,'continued Marguerite,'you were the only person with whom I'd sensed from the first I could think and speak freely.People who congregate around girls like me can gain a great deal by paying close attention to the slightest words we say,and by drawing conclusions from our most insignificant actions.Naturally,we have no friends,we have egotistical lovers who spend their fortunes not on us,as they claim,but on their vanity.'

'For men like these,we have to be cheerful when they are happy,hale and hearty when they decide they want supper,and as cynical as they are.We are not allowed to have feelings,for fear of being jeered at and losing our credibility.'

'Our lives are no longer our own.We aren't human beings,but things.We rank first in their pride,and last in their good opinion.We have women friends,but they are friends like Prudence-yesterday's kept women who still have expensive tastes which their age prevents them from indulging.So they become our friends,or rather associates.Their friendship may verge on the servile,but it is never disinterested.They'll never give you a piece of advice unless there's money in it.They don't care if we've got ten lovers extra as long as they get a few dresses or a bracelet out of them and can drive about every now and then in our carriages and sit in our boxes at the theatre.They end up with the flowers we were given the night before,and they borrow our Indian shawls.They never do us a good turn,however trifling,without making sure they get paid twice what their trouble was worth.You saw as much yourself the evening Prudence brought me the six thousand francs which I'd asked her to go and beg from the Duke;she borrowed five hundred francs which she'll never give back,or else she'll pay it off in hats that will never get taken out of their boxes.'

'So we can have,or rather I had,only one hope of happiness:and this was,sad as I sometimes am and ill as I am always,to find a man of sufficiently rare qualities who would never ask me to account for my actions,and be the lover of my wilder fancies more than the lover of my body.I found this man in the Duke,but the Duke is old and old age neither shields nor consoles.I'd thought I could settle for the life he made for me.But it was no use.I was dying of boredom,and I felt that if I was going to be destroyed,then I might as well jump into the flames as choke on the fumes.'

'Then I met you.You were young,passionate,happy,and I tried to turn you into the man I had cried out for in my crowded but empty life.What I loved in you was not the man you were but the man you could be.You refuse to accept the part;you reject it as unworthy of you;you are a commonplace lover,just do what the others do:pay me and let's not talk about it any more.'

Marguerite,tired by this long confession,settled back into the sofa and,to check a mild fit of coughing,put her handkerchief to her lips and even wiped her eyes.

'Forgive me,forgive me,'I murmured,'I knew all this,but I wanted to hear you say it,my darling Marguerite.Let's forget the rest.Let's just remember one thing:we belong to one another,we are young and we are in love.'

'Marguerite,do with me what you will.I am your slave,your dog.But,in the name of God,tear up the letter I wrote you and don't let me go away tomorrow.It would kill me.'

Marguerite withdrew the letter from the bodice of her dress and,as she handed it back to me,said with a smile of infinite sweetness:

'Here,I was bringing it back to you.'

I tore up the letter and,with tears in my eyes,kissed the hand which held it.

At this juncture,Prudence reappeared.

'Oh,Prudence,can you guess what he wants me to do?'said Marguerite.

'To forgive him.'

'That's right.'

'And have you?'

'I can't do otherwise.But there's something else he wants.'

'What's that?'

'He wants to come and have supper with us.'

'And are you going to say yes?'

'What do you think?'

'I think you're a couple of children without an ounce of common sense between you.But I also think that I'm ravenous,and the sooner you do say yes,the sooner we'll have supper.'

'Come on,then,'said Marguerite,'we can all fit into my carriage.By the way,'she added,turning to me,'Nanine will have gone to bed,so you'll have to open the door.Take my key,and try not to lose it again.'

I kissed Marguerite until she had no breath left.

Thereupon,Joseph came in.

'Sir,'he said with the air of a man terribly pleased with himself,'the trunks are packed.'

'All of them?'

'Yes,sir.'

'Well,unpack them.I'm not leaving.'

同类推荐
  • 龙经

    龙经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 罪惟录选辑

    罪惟录选辑

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 正法华经

    正法华经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • Discourses on Satire and Epic Poetry

    Discourses on Satire and Epic Poetry

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 本草害利

    本草害利

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 后宫复仇记:后妃殇

    后宫复仇记:后妃殇

    她,林若绾白日里是名妓,夜里是杀手,哪个是真?哪个是假?她进宫为妃又是为何?他,毓翎睿智,聪明,却挂着一张温润如玉的笑脸,这是为何?如后宫女子是演戏的戏子,他便是看戏的人!他,毓泓浪荡江湖,不谙政事,只做一个走江湖的箫郎先生,而他却犹记得那张面纱后双眸子里的悲哀,那悲哀后的无奈!她进入宫闱做了他的妃,做了他的皇嫂,她如何独揽后宫恩宠,他如何在宫闱看着她一步步成为宠妃!某菲Q群:87860806 敲门砖:绾月 想和菲交流的亲,可以加哦!
  • 火澜

    火澜

    当一个现代杀手之王穿越到这个世界。是隐匿,还是崛起。一场血雨腥风的传奇被她改写。一条无上的强者之路被她踏破。修斗气,炼元丹,收兽宠,化神器,大闹皇宫,炸毁学院,打死院长,秒杀狗男女,震惊大陆。无止尽的契约能力,上古神兽,千年魔兽,纷纷前来抱大腿,惊傻世人。她说:在我眼里没有好坏之分,只有强弱之分,只要你能打败我,这世间所有都是你的,打不败我,就从这世间永远消失。她狂,她傲,她的目标只有一个,就是凌驾这世间一切之上。三国皇帝,魔界妖王,冥界之主,仙界至尊。到底谁才是陪着她走到最后的那个?他说:上天入地,我会陪着你,你活着,有我,你死,也一定有我。本文一对一,男强女强,强强联手,不喜勿入。
  • 开天智圣

    开天智圣

    盘古逝,天地殇;人间乱,民心丧;星魔犯,山河颤。诸葛再生,备战星魔;整饬天地,重塑人间。风雷引造化,洪炉化新身;智领洪荒五域,武开人世星天!
  • 三国谋圣传

    三国谋圣传

    唐枫一个很聪明,又狡猾的毕业生,没有能得到满意的工作,一次意外穿越回了三国时期。酷爱历史的他,能否在这战乱四起的汉末争得立足之地,能否在三国抱得美人入怀,能否用自己的智谋扫平乱世。。。
  • 黑棺传

    黑棺传

    【2018悬疑再起】当年我爷爷发现了一口黑棺材,没想到这竟然和我父亲的失踪有关,阴暗的地下世界,奇怪灵异的事情不断发生,为了最后的答案,我拨开层层迷雾,没想到,最后的结果尽然是这样的令人毛骨悚然………
  • 分开恋爱

    分开恋爱

    你说,你在洛杉矶,我却在北京。我说,隔着整个太平洋,我还是会想你。你说,你的白天便是我的黑夜。我说,爱会弭平时差,点燃黑夜你说,我们牵手时未及温暖。我说,我们分开后开始热恋。曹心怡是个25岁的北京女孩,一次咖啡馆的偶遇,“老头”走进了她的心。他们相爱了,一切都很美好。只是,这段恋情始于一个错误的时间——曹心怡远赴洛杉矶的前夕。留美期间,她遇到了与男友异地恋九年的李易童,和刚刚加入异地恋队伍的程宣。从此,三个女孩开始了与感情,生活,事业,友情的战争。分开恋爱,不管距离有多远,她们也会全力走下去……
  • 因你是命

    因你是命

    佐勋:无名指不再无名,它的名字叫夏忆夏忆:有些事我知道就好,他不需要知道。余子默:我愿意把每次对你流露出的爱意说成演戏。戏子不是无情,只是用情太深无人懂。
  • 重生之极品文豪

    重生之极品文豪

    重生十年前,网络小说刚刚火热的时候。凭借一台电脑,预知未来的眼光潮流。看主角楚墨如何在网文界翻云覆雨,独占鳌头。一步步走上文娱巅峰。(老作者新坑,谨以此文纪念入行六年的专职写手之路,人品保证,更新保证,请各位亲收藏推荐。)书友群:487833314
  • 逆妖传

    逆妖传

    千万年前,妖族从荒古走出,对人族发起了进攻,创造历史上人妖两族第一次种族大战。人族大败,被逼入荒古,为了生存下去,人族只得冒着被灭族的风险,穿越荒古,寻找一块栖息之地。
  • 魔武变革

    魔武变革

    这一天整个地球都穿越了,这一是阴谋,还是阳谋。为了生存,为了族人,总要有人去当英雄。可是我不想成为英雄,如果我不是英雄就不会有太多的人离开我。人的活着并不是为自己而活着,但太多的人是为了自己而活着。