登陆注册
4911200000100

第100章 RECORD THIRTY-TWO(2)

Small round hands on my sleeves, round dark blue eyes—it was O-90. She just slipped along my body like a unif which, its hanger broken, slips along the wall to fall upon the floor. Like a little bundle she crumpled below me on the cold doorstep, and I stood over her, stroking her head, her face. My hands were wet. I felt as if I were very big and she very small, a small part of myself. I felt something quite different from what I feel toward I-330.I think the ancients must have had similar feelings toward their private children.

Below, filtering through her hands with which she was covering her face, a voice came to me:

"Every night I...I cannot! If they cure me...Every night I sit in the darkness alone and think of him, and of what he will look like when I... If I am cured I would have nothing to live with—do you understand me? You must...you must..."

An absurd feeling, yet it was there; I really must! Absurd, because this "duty" of mine was nothing but another crime. Absurd, because white and black cannot be one, duty and crime cannot coincide. Or perhaps there is no black and white in life, but everything depends upon the first logical premise? If the premise is that I unlawfully gave her a child...

"It"s all right, but don"t, only don"t..." I said, "Of course I understand....I must take you to I-330, as I once offered to, so that she..."

"Yes." (This in a low voice, without uncovering her face.)

I helped her rise. Silently we went along the darkening street, each busy with his own thoughts, or perhaps with the same thought....We walked between silent, leaden houses, through the tense, whipping branches of the wind....

All at once, through the whistling of the wind, I heard, as if splashing through ditches, the familiar footsteps coming from some unseen point. At the corner I turned around, and among the clouds, flying upside down in the dim glass reflection of the pavement, I saw S-. Instantly my arms became foreign, swinging out of time, and I began to tell O-90 in a low voice that tomorrow, yes, tomorrow, was the day of the first flight of the Integral, and that it was to be something that had never happened before in all history, great, miraculous.

"Think of it! For the first time in life to Fred myself outside the limits of our city and see—who knows what is beyond the Green Wall?"

O-90 looked at me extremely surprised, her blue eyes trying to penetrate mine; she looked at my senselessly swinging arms. But I did not let her say a word—I kept talking, talking....And within me, apart from what I was saying and audible only to myself, a thought was feverishly buzzing and knocking. "Impossible! You must somehow...you must not lead him to I-330!"

Instead of turning to the right I turned to the left. The bridge submissively bent its back in a slavish way to all three of us, to me, to O-, to him behind. Lights were falling from the houses across the water, falling and breaking into thousands of sparks which danced feverishly, sprayed with the mad white foam of the water. Somewhere not far away the wind was moaning like the tensely stretched string of a double bass. And through this bass, behind us, all the while...

The house where I live. At the entrance O- stopped and began:

"No! You promised, did you not, that..."

I did not let her finish. Hastily I pushed her through the entrance and we found ourselves in the lobby. At the controller"s desk the familiar, hanging, excitedly quivering cheeks—a group of Numbers around. They were quarreling about something, heads bending over the banisters on the second floor; they were running downstairs one by one. But about that later. I drew O-90 at once into the opposite, unoccupied corner and sat down with my back to the wall. I saw a dark, large-headed shadow gliding back and forth over the sidewalk. I took out my notebook. O-90 in her chair was sinking slowly, as if she were evaporating from under her unif, as if her body were thawing, as if only her empty unif were left, and empty eyes taking one into the blue emptiness. In a tired voice:

"Why did you bring me here? You lied to me."

"No, not so loud! Look here! Do you see? Through the wall?"

"Yes, I see a shadow."

"He is always following me... I cannot...Do you understand? I cannot, therefore...I am going to write a few words to I-330. You take the note and go alone. I know he will remain here."

Her body began again to take form and to move beneath the unif; on her face a faint sunrise, dawn. I put the note between her cold fingers, pressed her hand firmly, and for the last time looked into her blue eyes.

"Good-by. Perhaps someday..." She freed her hand. Bending over slightly, she slowly moved away, made two steps, turned around quickly, and again we were side by side. Her lips were moving; with her lips and with her eyes she repeated some inaudible word. What an unbearable smile! What suffering!

Then the bent-over human splinter went to the door; a bent-over little shadow beyond the wall; without turning around she went on faster, still faster....

I went to U-"s desk. With emotion filling her indignant gills, she said to me:

"They have all gone crazy! He, for instance, is trying to assure me that he himself saw a naked man covered with hair near the Ancient House... "

A voice from the group of empty raised heads: "Yes. I repeat it, yes."

"Well, what do you think of that? Oh, what a delirium!" The word "delirium" came out of her mouth so full of conviction, so unbending, that I asked myself: "Perhaps it really was nothing but delirium, all that has been going on around me lately." I glanced at my hairy hand, and I remembered: "There are, undoubtedly, some drops of that blood of the sun and woods in you. That is why perhaps you..."No, fortunately it was not delirium; or no, unfortunately it was not delirium.

同类推荐
  • 明月如霜

    明月如霜

    隔岸观火、借刀杀人;笑里藏刀、浑水摸鱼。反间计,连环计;将计就计。一个是心思缜密的女细作,一个是深藏不漏的少年藩王,当阴谋遇上算计,究竟谁更技高一筹?
  • 悲惨世界(上)

    悲惨世界(上)

    十九世纪的巴黎,贫苦的冉·阿让为了挨饿的孩子去偷面包,结果被饱食终日的法官判处19年的苦役。出狱后,走投无路的冉·阿让被好心的米里哀主教收留过夜,却偷走了主教的银器潜逃,后被警察捉回。主教声称银器是送给他的,使冉·阿让免于被捕。主教的言行感化了冉·阿让,他化名马德兰,从此洗心革面奋发向上,十年后成为成功的商人并当上市长。这时,以前缉拿过他的警长沙威出现,一心要找他的麻烦。在此期间,冉·阿让得知了妓女芳汀的悲惨遭遇,并承诺照顾她的私生女柯赛特。八年过去了,平静的生活再起波澜——柯赛特爱上了共和派青年马利尤斯,轰轰烈烈的巴黎人民起义爆发了……
  • 少女小渔

    少女小渔

    张艾嘉执导同名电影,著名导演李安监制,刘若英倾情主演。在严歌苓的诸多作品中,中短篇小说是极其重要的组成部分,《少女小渔》集结了严歌苓所创作12个精彩的“海那边的故事”:《少女小渔》《红罗裙》《海那边》《抢劫犯查理和我》《风筝歌》《失眠人的艳遇》《吴川是个黄女孩》《茉莉的最后一日》《拉斯维加斯的谜语》《青柠檬色的鸟》《女房东》《密语者》。主打篇目《少女小渔》,讲述了江伟和女朋友小渔,千里迢迢从中国大陆来到纽约。由于无法取得居留权,小渔在唐人街当非法劳工。江伟也是以学生身份来美,半工半读,为了摆脱困苦的生活,他被迫安排小渔与年届六十的意大利老头Mario假结婚,希望让她取得绿卡。
  • 大江湖系列之逃犯

    大江湖系列之逃犯

    风景如画的海滨城市别墅区发生了一件惊天血案,一对与世无争的“闻”姓公婆被害,家中巨额财产被盗。其中有一件价值连城的翡翠如意,据传是晚清末年大内的珍品。为此,刑警队长鲁大治怀疑上了曾经犯有前科的李原海。于是,围绕他刑警们启动了刑事侦察的程序。由此开始,一桩长达12年的血案追踪拉开了帷幕……
  • 心理罪秘档

    心理罪秘档

    半夜坐出租车回家,凌晨出租车司机被人割头,所有证据都显示我就是凶手,凶器上的指纹,带血的衣服以及在场的监控,可是我却根本没有出过家门,倒底是谁在陷害我?替死者解剖的法医在家割掉了自己的头颅,让整个案件悬到不能再悬……
热门推荐
  • 九重殇

    九重殇

    我只是第七重众神中的一个,爱喝酒,不爱笑,懒散得无聊我掌管着黛湘阁都知黛湘阁里人美桃花多,我也不例外可结果却是第一次,被推下了诛神台第二次,交心交肺,终只得一句,对不起,认错人了......好一个爱情,好一个刻骨铭心,到头来只不过是一句虚伪的“对不起”对不起有何用?能换会我一颗千疮百孔的心,还是能换来我的可爱黛湘?不能,都不能!我不再相信爱情,我只相信我自己!说我疯了也罢,能让我忘记那刻骨铭心的痛便好我不奢求一切,只希望一切没变,我还是那个懒散的上神......
  • 武道寂寞

    武道寂寞

    武道之巅峰者:一指可破苍穹,一拳可碎大地!半指可诛仙,一指可灭神!血战三千世界,独享武道之寂!武者修炼境界:武徒、武者、武士、武师、大武师、武灵、武王、武宗、武君、武皇、武帝、武尊、武圣、武神、神通(神通四大境界:第一是归真,第二是显圣(肉身显圣,身体本身力量强大),第三是大罗,第四称混元。混元之上,还有...
  • 巫当道

    巫当道

    十六岁那年的一个黄昏,我们全村人去扒了一座古怪的坟,没想到,在那坟的棺材里,却有一个裸体少女;而那个所谓的凶坟,是我家地里的一座坟。
  • 不死法尊

    不死法尊

    天下虚怀,迷乱众生。我若不死,将万界无敌。我乃是打不死的小强。
  • 永恒炼阵师

    永恒炼阵师

    元初世界的文明火焰从未熄灭。炼阵师,元初文明之火中一颗饱受诟病的渺茫火苗,没有斗士的力量,也没有术士的玄奥,有的只是无穷无尽的汗水与劳累。这是一位炼阵师的故事,起源于大陆北方的一个边陲小镇
  • 虐渣成瘾:快穿之白莲花攻略

    虐渣成瘾:快穿之白莲花攻略

    作为一个被伪白莲害死的人,白语表示,跟伪白莲相处她最有经验。伪白莲说谎不眨眼?那你说编出更完美的谎话呗!伪白莲反咬一口?那就冷眼旁观狗急跳墙呗!伪白莲楚楚可怜?那你比她更楚楚可怜呗!伪白莲纯洁无辜?那你比她更纯洁无辜呗!伪白莲貌美如花?不虚不虚颜值还是能拼一拼!但白莲花小仙女告诉你——成了一朵真白莲。这!都!不!是!事!
  • 千年劫之倾夜

    千年劫之倾夜

    初见时,他避世千年、俊逸若仙,她对他嫣然一笑;十四年后,他依旧如斯,她痴心以对!他们之间守一年之约,一年后,她如约归来,他却不知所踪。面对与他长相一模一样的另一个人,她越来越好奇、越来越怀疑,终究真相如何,是否真如她的猜测?命运的推动下她的身世一步步呈现,生而带劫之人,又将会给身边人带来什么样的遭遇?是世人太过执着,还是命运如此安排?千年之劫,身在其中又该如何面对?
  • 吾家魔女初长成

    吾家魔女初长成

    本是现世一名冷血杀手,却因为男友惨死自己刀下而穿越至异世;原以为只是为报前世的一滴苦泪,却不曾想还有三百年的轮回之恩,奈何桥上的滴水之情;一代龙族之王,为寻找三百年前的一缕芳魂,不惜毁天灭地、族灭人亡,却只得到一场谎言编织的梦;身为异世二重身,是该挽救三百年来苦苦守候她的骑士,还是抚平那颗千疮百孔绝望无助的心?小魔女出现,开口就喊“娘”,事事以娘为先,时时为娘着想,做事疯狂又不失可爱,却不知,她会是她这一世躲不开的劫!二重身的身份,是让她守卫龙族之基,还是挽救异世的灭顶之灾?且看程芊雅如何在异世大陆翻手为云覆手为雨!
  • 凤逆天:倾城帝妃

    凤逆天:倾城帝妃

    她,四大世家夜家的废材丑女,受人唾弃,大婚之夜忍辱自杀。狐族女皇一朝穿越,休书一把呼在渣男脸上!揍渣男!踹绿茶婊!废材变天才!丑女变倾城!无数美男团团转!尊贵身份惹人爱!夜相,你想要和我重回父女关系,姐不同意!当初谁把姐一脚提出夜府门槛的!比灵宠?开玩笑!姐的是神兽!比身份?惊天秘密身份暴漏世间!来!都给姐跪下!比实力?=。=你脑袋是秀逗了吗?咱一小跟班灭你全家!他,穿越而来,成为魔界之帝,高高在上,蔑视天下,努力变得强大,只为护她一世安好。异世再遇,是心酸,还是心伤?
  • 天叙

    天叙

    曾经在网游《天叙》中的天才玩家徐起修在大赛中故意输掉比赛从而隐退,成为网游界的一个传说。做一个普通的玩家在网游界做一名隐士……在那期间,很多人都感到悲伤,甚至对于他有了恨意。但是徐起修并不是他们所想的退出。他只是重新再来一次罢了。再一次在网游界掀起一股潮流。