登陆注册
15690600000016

第16章

God is my witness that whensoever I learned of the convening of a new assemblage of the clergy, I believed that it was done for the express purpose of my condemnation. Stunned by this fear like one smitten with a thunderbolt, I daily expected to be dragged before their councils or assemblies as a heretic or one guilty of impiety. Though I seem to compare a flea with a lion, or an ant with an elephant, in very truth my rivals persecuted me no less bitterly than the heretics of old hounded St. Athanasius. Often, God knows, I sank so deep in despair that I was ready to leave the world of Christendom and go forth among the heathen, paying them a stipulated tribute in order that I might live quietly a Christian life among the enemies of Christ. It seemed to me that such people might indeed be kindly disposed toward me, particularly as they would doubtless suspect me of being no good Christian, imputing my flight to some crime I had committed, and would therefore believe that I might perhaps be won over to their form of worship. CHAPTER XIII OF THE ABBEY TO WHICH HE WAS CALLED AND OF THE PERSECUTION HE HADFROM HIS SONS THAT IS TO SAY THE MONKS AND FROM THE LORD OF THE LANDWHILE I was thus afflicted with so great perturbation to of the spirit, and when the only way of escape seemed to be for me to seek refuge with Christ among the enemies of Christ, there came a chance whereby I thought I could for a while avoid the plottings of my enemies. But thereby I fell among Christians and monks who were far more savage than heathens and more evil of life. The thing came about in this wise. There was in lesser Brittany, in the bishopric of Vannes, a certain abbey of St. Gildas at Ruits, then mourning the death of its shepherd. To this abbey the elective choice of the brethren called me, with the approval of the prince of that land, and I easily secured permission to accept the post from my own abbot and brethren.

Thus did the hatred of the French drive me westward, even as that of the Romans drove Jerome toward the East. Never, God knows, would I have agreed to this thing had it not been for my longing for any possible means of escape from the sufferings which I had borne so constantly.

The land was barbarous and its speech was unknown to me; as for the monks, their vile and untameable way of life was notorious almost everywhere.

The people of the region, too, were uncivilized and lawless. Thus, like one who in terror of the sword that threatens him dashes headlong over a precipice, and to shun one death for a moment rushes to another, I knowingly sought this new danger in order to escape from the former one. And there, amid the dreadful roar of the waves of the sea, where the land's end left me no further refuge in flight, often in my prayers did I repeat over and over again: "From the end of the earth will I cry unto Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed" (Ps. lxi. 2).

No one, methinks, could fail to understand how persistently that undisciplined body of monks, the direction of which I had thus undertaken, tortured my heart day and night, or how constantly I was compelled to think of the danger alike to my body and to my soul. I held it for certain that if Ishould try to force them to live according to the principles they had themselves professed, I should not survive. And yet, if I did not do this to the utmost of my ability, I saw that my damnation was assured. Moreover, a certain lord who was exceedingly powerful in that region had some time previously brought the abbey under his control, taking advantage of the state of disorder within the monastery to seize all the lands adjacent thereto for his own use, and he ground down the monks with taxes heavier than those which were extorted from the Jews themselves.

The monks pressed me to supply them with their daily necessities, but they held no property in common which I might administer in their behalf, and each one, with such resources as he possessed, supported himself and his concubines, as well as his sons and daughters. They took delight in harassing me on this matter, and they stole and carried off whatsoever they could lay their hands on, to the end that my failure to maintain order might make me either give up trying to enforce discipline or else abandon my post altogether. Since the entire region was equally savage, lawless and disorganized, there was not a single man to whom I could turn for aid, for the habits of all alike were foreign to me. Outside the monastery the lord and his henchmen ceaselessly hounded me, and within its walls the brethren were forever plotting against me, so that it seemed as if the Apostle had had me and none other in mind when he I said: "Without were fightings, within were fears" (II Cor. vii. 5).

I considered and lamented the uselessness and the wretchedness of my existence, how fruitless my life now was, both to myself and to others;how of old I had been of some service to the clerics whom I had now abandoned for the sake of these monks, so that I was no longer able to be of use to either; how incapable I had proved myself in everything I had undertaken or attempted, so that above all others I deserved the reproach, "This man began to build, and was not able to finish" (Luke xiv. 30). My despair grew still deeper when I compared the evils I had left behind with those to which I had come, for my former sufferings now seemed to me as nought.

同类推荐
  • 北东园笔录

    北东园笔录

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 规箴

    规箴

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 俱力迦罗龙王仪轨

    俱力迦罗龙王仪轨

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 佛说八关斋经

    佛说八关斋经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 阵图

    阵图

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 爱妻萌萌哒:腹黑总裁请止步

    爱妻萌萌哒:腹黑总裁请止步

    “到底什么时候才是头!”金小萌忍不住发出一声呐喊,在她身后的殷寒,故作正经的说道:“来,先卖个萌。”
  • 风卷无心之前世今生

    风卷无心之前世今生

    失心者,究竟是谁更绝情。无心者,究竟是谁更冷酷。所谓的无心,不过是世间浊人的胡言乱语。无心者最无忧,无心者最贞净,无心者最有情。
  • 且把情深共白头

    且把情深共白头

    后妈虐待,男朋友跟妹妹搞在一起。悲催的人生暗无天日,竟然还被绑架。无所谓了,反正她生无可恋。可是绑架她的男人有点奇怪。她在花园被蜜蜂蛰到,结果满园花草瞬间被铲平。她被迫在菜市场干活,结果菜市场一夜夷为平地。她被人绊进海里,他奋不顾身救她上来,还将绊倒她的人丢进海里喂鱼。前男友要求复合,他将她前男友打进医院,将她押进民政局强迫登记了。初见。他问“你多大?”“22岁”“不是年龄,是C还是B?该不会是A吧?”她整脸绯红“都摸过了还要问?”相恋。她问“今天在哪里吃饭?”“在家。”“想吃什么?吃你。”婚后。她问,“老公,为什么不让我帮你生小孩?以后再生,为什么?”“因为我讨厌第三者来打扰我们的性福生活”
  • 花千骨之柔情似海

    花千骨之柔情似海

    上一世她爱他,他却不敢承认。这一世她不想再爱他可却都放不下,她依然坚持着去见他,在经过种种磨练之后两人终于有情人终成眷属了。
  • 只有脚下的风光

    只有脚下的风光

    每个人都有在这个世上存在的意义,只是发现的早晚与否,快慢与否。让我们一起来见证一只凤凰雏飞翔在自己的蓝天的那一天吧!做你永远的天使。
  • 景色宣然

    景色宣然

    慕景轩对视了我,他心想“娥眉淡扫粉轻施,朱唇一点惹人痴。形容的就是她吧!
  • 久爱不离,帝少的深情陷阱

    久爱不离,帝少的深情陷阱

    【已经完结,放心阅读】他的温柔,是为她精心制作的牢笼……初遇那天她拼命奔跑只为逃离身后无尽的狼窝,却没想到会落入更深处的虎穴!那天之后,她再也逃不出他织出的网,一步迈进,从此便是他的小妻子。******怀孕三月,满心欢喜的想要告知他。却看到大街上播出豪门婚姻的讯息,那巨型屏幕上他一身正装笑的开心,身边站得却是她刚刚相认没多久的姐姐!那一刻好刺眼……当她拼尽所有,告知她怀了他的孩子时。他只是神色淡淡,毫不惊讶。“打掉它,不久我就会和你姐姐订婚我不想有差错。”挣扎的她停住了哭喊,只是坐在地上冷冷的看着他离去的背影。一次意外却又让他们三人紧紧相连……歹徒的刀冰冷的贴着她和她姐姐的脖子,让站在对面的他只能选择一个……当选择两难时,一双无形的手推她入水,那尖锐的刀扎入心脏!又是谁在崖边哭的撕心裂肺?当真相一层一层的剥离,他们该何去何从……
  • 遨游心缘

    遨游心缘

    平凡的小城镇,权力与财富成为现代都市人们最主要的东西。青年慕容正与姐姐小丽两人决定要在这一片土地上干出一番事业,出人头地。于是,一场创业之路便就此展开。他,慕容正,一个怀揣着梦想与希望的年轻人,期待有朝一日可以成为强大且勇敢的人。为了保护自己姐姐,自己的爱人,他将所有的心血都投入在自己的一家按摩院中,并且以此为终生的事业奋斗。但,事业的道路并非是一帆风顺,同样,爱情的道路也并非如此。当爱情与事业的挫折双双发生,他又将如何应对了?而他,又能否实现自己的理想,成为人生的赢家?
  • 寂夜神座

    寂夜神座

    传奇玩家苏恩穿越异界,来到了灾厄之年的前夕。这是一个崩坏的纪元。所有的平凡人类在灾变的情况下得到了神秘力量,平民不满于奴役,贵族不满于欲望,帝国妄图染指世界,秩序逐渐崩塌,在恶魔和邪灵怂恿下,在欲望驱使下的人类陷入了永无休止的厮杀,世界的格局愈发混乱。这是一个不想成为救世主,最终却被吟游诗人歌颂的故事。(通俗版简介:满级玩家穿越游戏世界,依靠自己的攻略步步走上巅峰神座的传奇故事。)(爽文流,不虐心,不套路。)
  • 国学知识基本常识

    国学知识基本常识

    本书分为哲学类、史学类、宗教学类、文学类、语言类和自然科学类六大类,并于每类之前介绍该类的“读书经”。全书在各种国学名著中都介绍该书的作者、成书时间、创作背景、主要内容、精彩片段、现实意义以及阅读该书的方法。