I AM FETED AT DINNER
Dubkoff and Woloda knew every one at the restaurant by name, and every one, from the waiters to the proprietor, paid them great respect.No time was lost in allotting us a private room, where a bottle of iced champagne-upon which I tried to look with as much indifference as I could--stood ready waiting for us, and where we were served with a most wonderful repast selected by Dubkoff from the French menu.The meal went off most gaily and agreeably, notwithstanding that Dubkoff, as usual, told us blood-curdling tales of doubtful veracity (among others, a tale of how his grandmother once shot dead three robbers who were attacking her--
a recital at which I blushed, closed my eyes, and turned away from the narrator), and that Woloda reddened visibly whenever I opened my mouth to speak--which was the more uncalled for on his part, seeing that never once, so far as I can remember, did I say anything shameful.After we had been given champagne, every one congratulated me, and I drank "hands across" with Dimitri and Dubkoff, and wished them joy.Since, however, I did not know to whom the bottle of champagne belonged (it was explained to me later that it was common property), I considered that, in return, I ought to treat my friends out of the money which I had never ceased to finger in my pocket.Accordingly, I stealthily extracted a ten-rouble note, and, beckoning the waiter to my side, handed him the money, and told him in a whisper (yet not so softly but that every one could hear me, seeing that every one was staring at me in dead silence) to "bring, if you please, a half-bottle of champagne." At this Woloda reddened again, and began to fidget so violently, and to gaze upon myself and every one else with such a distracted air, that I felt sure I had somehow put my foot in it.
However, the half-bottle came, and we drank it with great gusto.
After that, things went on merrily.Dubkoff continued his unending fairy tales, while Woloda also told funny stories--and told them well, too--in a way I should never have credited him: so that our laughter rang long and loud.Their best efforts lay in imitation, and in variants of a certain well-known saw."Have you ever been abroad?" one would say to the other, for instance.
"No," the one interrogated would reply, "but my brother plays the fiddle." Such perfection had the pair attained in this species of comic absurdity that they could answer any question by its means, while they would also endeavour to unite two absolutely unconnected matters without a previous question having been asked at all, yet say everything with a perfectly serious face and produce a most comic effect.I too began to try to be funny, but as soon as ever I spoke they either looked at me askance or did not look at me until I had finished: so that my anecdotes fell flat.Yet, though Dubkoff always remarked, "Our DIPLOMAT is lying, brother," I felt so exhilarated with the champagne and the company of my elders that the remark scarcely touched me.Only Dimitri, though he drank level with the rest of us, continued in the same severe, serious frame of mind--a fact which put a certain check upon the general hilarity.
"Now, look here, gentlemen," said Dubkoff at last."After dinner we ought to take the DIPLOMAT in hand.How would it be for him to go with us to see Auntie? There we could put him through his paces."
"Ah, but Nechludoff will not go there," objected Woloda.
"O unbearable, insupportable man of quiet habits that you are!"
cried Dubkoff, turning to Dimitri."Yet come with us, and you shall see what an excellent lady my dear Auntie is."
"I will neither go myself nor let him go," replied Dimitri.
