登陆注册
15517000000012

第12章 CHAPTER II(7)

There was the whole of the rest of the house to traverse, and how should he screw himself to that if the door he had seen closed were at present open? He could hold to the idea that the closing had practically been for him an act of mercy, a chance offered him to descend, depart, get off the ground and never again profane it.

This conception held together, it worked; but what it meant for him depended now clearly on the amount of forbearance his recent action, or rather his recent inaction, had engendered. The image of the "presence" whatever it was, waiting there for him to go -this image had not yet been so concrete for his nerves as when he stopped short of the point at which certainty would have come to him. For, with all his resolution, or more exactly with all his dread, he did stop short - he hung back from really seeing. The risk was too great and his fear too definite: it took at this moment an awful specific form.

He knew - yes, as he had never known anything - that, SHOULD he see the door open, it would all too abjectly be the end of him. It would mean that the agent of his shame - for his shame was the deep abjection - was once more at large and in general possession; and what glared him thus in the face was the act that this would determine for him. It would send him straight about to the window he had left open, and by that window, be long ladder and dangling rope as absent as they would, he saw himself uncontrollably insanely fatally take his way to the street. The hideous chance of this he at least could avert; but he could only avert it by recoiling in time from assurance. He had the whole house to deal with, this fact was still there; only he now knew that uncertainty alone could start him. He stole back from where he had checked himself - merely to do so was suddenly like safety - and, making blindly for the greater staircase, left gaping rooms and sounding passages behind. Here was the top of the stairs, with a fine large dim descent and three spacious landings to mark off. His instinct was all for mildness, but his feet were harsh on the floors, and, strangely, when he had in a couple of minutes become aware of this, it counted somehow for help. He couldn't have spoken, the tone of his voice would have scared him, and the common conceit or resource of "whistling in the dark" (whether literally or figuratively) have appeared basely vulgar; yet he liked none the less to hear himself go, and when he had reached his first landing - taking it all with no rush, but quite steadily - that stage of success drew from him a gasp of relief.

The house, withal, seemed immense, the scale of space again inordinate; the open rooms, to no one of which his eyes deflected, gloomed in their shuttered state like mouths of caverns; only the high skylight that formed the crown of the deep well created for him a medium in which he could advance, but which might have been, for queerness of colour, some watery under-world. He tried to think of something noble, as that his property was really grand, a splendid possession; but this nobleness took the form too of the clear delight with which he was finally to sacrifice it. They might come in now, the builders, the destroyers - they might come as soon as they would. At the end of two flights he had dropped to another zone, and from the middle of the third, with only one more left, he recognised the influence of the lower windows, of half-drawn blinds, of the occasional gleam of street-lamps, of the glazed spaces of the vestibule. This was the bottom of the sea, which showed an illumination of its own and which he even saw paved - when at a given moment he drew up to sink a long look over the banisters - with the marble squares of his childhood. By that time indubitably he felt, as he might have said in a commoner cause, better; it had allowed him to stop and draw breath, and the case increased with the sight of the old black-and-white slabs. But what he most felt was that now surely, with the element of impunity pulling him as by hard firm hands, the case was settled for what he might have seen above had he dared that last look. The closed door, blessedly remote now, was still closed - and he had only in short to reach that of the house.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 查理九世之夜

    查理九世之夜

    冥界究竟是怎样的呢?传说中的冥界统治者究竟是谁?夜之冒险队到底隐瞒了多少真相?唐晓翼另有的身份到底是什么?
  • 尔来语去

    尔来语去

    你是我生命中唯一的光芒,爱你,却无法伸出双手,触摸你。黑暗中的我,只能默默望着光亮中的你那,渐行渐远的背影。——安絮语你总说我们不在同一个世界,不肯接受我。可你知否,那是因为,你的世界从未向我打开过。你总是低着头站在我的背影下,可你知否,我一直回头看着你。——何尔希我就一直在你身后,等待你转过身扑向我怀里的那一天。没关系,我愿意,毕竟,我喜欢你啊。——柳堔光鲜艳丽的我,只为你笑,只为你抚琴,只为你歌唱。你看看我,可好?——柳璃姐姐,我终于,让你的心里有我了。你以后,会想我吗?——安染妃安絮语,我不欠你......对不起。——欧知渝
  • 缘字绝

    缘字绝

    兄弟,爱情.一个不少.友情背叛.心伤无路止境.缘字绝当爱情在现实面前一无所有的时候.我只在心疼.却依然走在爱与疼的边缘.可是当所有的一切发生在自己身上的时候,心疼.难过,无可奈何.友情,爱情.都让经历了个遍.不敢看别人的眼睛.眼睛总是泪水朦胧.谁的青春中没有那么一段刻骨铭心的记忆.#缘字绝#也许有我们记忆中的美.每个人的生活都像一出戏,越甘醇戏越真.我们都有过那段缘只想讲这个故事讲完主角严小沫已经登场.马上校园生活结束.都是职业生活即将开始.所有的误会,期待.统统出现.精彩继续求关注,求收藏,求推荐抽出时间写东西,暂停更新.
  • 成长不烦恼:青少年必须学会自制与自谦

    成长不烦恼:青少年必须学会自制与自谦

    歌曲《少年》中唱道:“记忆中的那个少年,骄傲地发出宣言,伸出双手就能拥抱全世界,相信所有的梦想一定会实现,一切看起来都不会太遥远……”青春期的朋友虽恰同学少年,风华正茂,但心智还不够成熟,总认为自己已经成熟且长大,面对父母长辈的过多照顾与干预,常常会陷入矛盾之中。《成长不烦恼:青少年必须学会自制与自谦》为青少年朋友排忧解难。
  • 千寻如画

    千寻如画

    她是鬼谷少谷主,清丽无双,聪慧狡黠。却无人知道她建立湖心小筑,成为江湖医怪。纤纤素手,敢与阎王夺人。根根毒针,可瞬间取人性命。一朝家变,鬼谷被灭。她满心愤慨,乔装打扮,只为找出真凶,为族人报仇。不曾想在鬼谷被灭,族人被杀后还会遇到待她至诚至信的人。
  • 为卿成神

    为卿成神

    卡尔的一生是为了女人奋斗的一生!别误会,卡尔不是多情种马,他一生只爱过两个女人,他只想要一个平凡美满的家庭,可命运的作弄让他连这个心愿都难以达成。为了心爱的女人,为了掌握自己的命运,卡尔开始了追寻圣者遗踪的旅程。埋葬父亲的恐怖森林?走!九十米高的独眼巨人?杀!剥夺力量的神之放逐地?去!灭亡帝国的无敌之师?战!驾驭圣者的力量,揭开神的面纱,打碎命运的桎梏……无论什么,都不能阻止他前进的步伐,因为,他要,为卿成神!
  • 网游之我是衰神

    网游之我是衰神

    什么?网游小说的主角?那可是个好差事啊,神功护体,妹子成群,人品爆表!啊哈哈,其实我想说你想多了,人品好了厉害算什么本事,让你看看衰神怎么逆袭的!
  • 狼神图腾

    狼神图腾

    妖?妖怎么了?妖也是有思想的,妖也是有感情的。这个世界不是只有人类才可以享用的。误入人类世界,却遭到排挤,为了生存大杀四方。
  • 飘渺御九界

    飘渺御九界

    栩栩三章咸阳义,炎炎红日真龙迷。光武龙兴成大统,地皇飞上天中央。行骄虐烈亢龙气,难挽秋风悲歌响。血劫十鬼咸池傍,清儒应厄染尘烟。黄天不负苍天乱,尘世暗夜一百年。正道莲途命定敕,圣佛菩提启归元。世道春秋虚穷变,人情莫与岂无非?
  • 穿越之农家姐妹

    穿越之农家姐妹

    “heyyouknowwhatyouaremyfirstlady~我爱你~爱你不是说说而已~我爱你每个明天都会更感人~我的第一夫人~”某男深情演唱。青玉无语,“姐夫,姐姐半刻钟带着钱逃了”随后身后传来一声狼嚎,“嗷~夫人你带着钱,我追着你~~”青玉无语抚额,这两人什么时候能正常点啊?不过,某人你能先把你的色爪子拿开吗?“娘子,近期国家频繁出战,人口极速减了,我们要为国家效力——哎哎,娘子不要关门关门啊!”ps:姐妹两,一个重生一个穿越~主要是一个种田发财文!求支持求票子求留言求推荐哦!!!(本文慢热,建议养肥再看,另:全文免费~)