This principle of vanity and pride is so strong in human nature that it descends even to the lowest objects;and one often sees people angling for praise,where,admitting all they say to be true (which,by the way,it seldom is),no just praise is to be caught.One man affirms that he has rode post an hundred miles in six hours;probably it is a lie:but supposing it to be true,what then?Why he is a very good post-boy,that is all.Another asserts,and probably not without oaths,that he has drunk six or eight bottles of wine at a sitting;out of charity,I will believe him a liar;for,if I do not,I must think him a beast.
Such,and a thousand more,are the follies and extravagances,which vanity draws people into,and which always defeat their own purpose;and as Waller says,upon another subject,--"Make the wretch the most despised,Where most he wishes to be prized."The only sure way of avoiding these evils,is never to speak of yourself at all.But when,historically,you are obliged to mention yourself,take care not to drop one single word that can directly or indirectly be construed as fishing for applause.Be your character what it will,it will be known;and nobody will take it upon your own word.Never imagine that anything you can say yourself will varnish your defects,or add lustre to your perfections!but,on the contrary,it may,and nine times in ten,will,make the former more glaring and the latter obscure.If you are silent upon your own subject,neither envy,indignation,nor ridicule,will obstruct or allay the applause which you may really deserve;but if you publish your own panegyric upon any occasion,or in any shape whatsoever,and however artfully dressed or disguised,they will all conspire against you,and you will be disappointed of the very end you aim at.
Take care never to seem dark and mysterious;which is not only a very unamiable character,but a very suspicious one too;if you seem mysterious with others,they will be really so with you,and you will know nothing.The height of abilities is to have 'volto sciolto'and 'pensieri stretti';that is,a frank,open,and ingenuous exterior,with a prudent interior;to be upon your own guard,and yet,by a seeming natural openness,to put people off theirs.Depend upon it nine in ten of every company you are in will avail themselves of every indiscreet and unguarded expression of yours,if they can turn it to their own advantage.A prudent reserve is therefore as necessary as a seeming openness is prudent.Always look people in the face when you speak to them:the not doing it is thought to imply conscious guilt;besides that you lose the advantage of serving by their countenances what impression your discourse makes upon them.In order to know people's real sentiments,I trust much more to my eyes than to my ears:for they can say whatever they have a mind I should hear;but they can seldom help looking,what they have no intention that I should know.
Neither retail nor receive scandal willingly;defamation of others may for the present gratify the malignity of the pride of our hearts;cool reflection will draw very disadvantageous conclusions from such a disposition;and in the case of scandal,as in that of robbery,the receiver is always thought,as bad as the thief.
Mimicry,which is the common and favorite amusement of little low minds,is in the utmost contempt with great ones.It is the lowest and most illiberal of all buffoonery.Pray,neither practice it yourself,nor applaud it in others.Besides that the person mimicked is insulted;and,as I have often observed to you before,an insult is never forgiven.
I need not (I believe)advise you to adapt your conversation to the people you are conversing with:for I suppose you would not,without this caution,have talked upon the same subject,and in the same manner,to a minister of state,a bishop,a philosopher,a captain,and a woman.
A man of the world must,like the chameleon,be able to take every different hue;which is by no means a criminal or abject,but a necessary complaisance;for it relates only to manners and not to morals.
One word only as to swearing,and that,I hope and believe,is more than is necessary.You may sometimes hear some people in good company interlard their discourse with oaths,by way of embellishment,as they think,but you must observe,too,that those who do so are never those who contribute,in any degree,to give that company the denomination of good company.They are always subalterns,or people of low education;for that practice,besides that it has no one temptation to plead,is as silly and as illiberal as it is wicked.
Loud laughter is the mirth of the mob,who are only pleased with silly things;for true wit or good sense never excited a laugh since the creation of the world.A man of parts and fashion is therefore only seen to smile;but never heard to laugh.
But to conclude this long letter;all the above-mentioned rules,however carefully you may observe them,will lose half their effect,if unaccompanied by the Graces.Whatever you say,if you say it with a supercilious,cynical face,or an embarrassed countenance,or a silly,disconcerted grin,will be ill received.If,into the bargain,YOUMUTTER IT,OR UTTER IT INDISTINCTLY AND UNGRACEFULLY,it will be still worse received.If your air and address are vulgar,awkward,and gauche,you may be esteemed indeed,if you have great intrinsic merit;but you will never,please;and without pleasing you will rise but heavily.
Venus,among the ancients,was synonymous with the Graces,who were always supposed to accompany her;and Horace tells us that even Youth and Mercury,the god of Arts and Eloquence,would not do without her:
'Parum comis sine to Juventas Mercuriusque.'
They are not inexorable Ladies,and may be had if properly,and diligently pursued.Adieu.
