Well, well, I suppose it is what I deserve for allowing myself to fall so madly in love with your father.When I look back now it seems to me that I could have achieved quite as much with a great deal less expenditure of emotion.""Now, now, Lucy, " said Tucker, closing the gilt clasps of the Bible, "you're not yet seventy, and by the time you reach eighty you will see things clearer.I'm a good deal younger than you, but I'm two-thirds in the grave already, which makes a difference.My life's been long and pleasant as it is, but when Iglance back upon it now I tell you the things I regret least in it are my youthful follies.A man must be very far in his dotage, indeed, when he begins to wear a long face over the sharp breaths that he drew in youth.I came very near ruining myself for a woman once, and the fact that I was ready to do it--even though Ididn't--is what in the past I like best to recall to-day.It makes it all easier and better, somehow, and it seems to put a zest into the hours I spend now on my old bench.To have had one emotion that was bigger than you or your universe is to have had life, my dear."The old lady wiped her eyes."It may be so, brother, it may be so," she admitted; "but not before Lila.Is that you, Christopher?"The young man came in and crossed slowly to the fire, bending for an instant over her chair.He was conscious suddenly that his clothes smelled of the fields and that the cold water of the well had not cleansed his face and hands.All at once it came to him with something of a shock that this bare, refined poverty was beyond his level--that about himself there was a coarseness, a brutality even, that made him shrink from contact with these others--with his mother, with Lila, with poor, maimed Tucker in his cotton suit.Was it only a distinction in manner, he wondered resentfully, or did the difference lie still deeper in some unlikeness of soul? For the first time in his life he felt ill at ease in the presence of those he loved, and as his eyes dwelt moodily on Lila's graceful figure--upon the swell of her low bosom, her swaying hips, and the free movement of her limbs--he asked himself bitterly if he had aught in common with so delicate and rare a thing? And she? Was her blithe acquiescence, after all, but an assumed virtue, to whose outward rags she clung? Was it possible that there was here no inward rebellion, none of that warfare against Destiny which at once inspirited and embittered his heart?
His face grew dark, and Uncle Boaz, coming in to stir the fire, glanced up at him and sighed.
"You sho' do look down in de mouf, Marse Chris," he observed.
Christopher started and then laughed blankly."Well, I'm not proof against troubles, I reckon," he returned."They're things none of us can keep clear of, you know."Uncle Boaz chuckled under his breath."Go 'way f'om yer, Marse Chris; w'at you know 'bout trouble--you ain' even mah'ed yet.""Now, now, Boaz, don't be putting any ideas against marriage in his head," broke in the old lady."He has remained single too long as it is, for, as dear old Bishop Deane used to say, it is surely the duty of every gentleman to take upon himself the provision of at least one helpless female.Not that I wish you to enter into marriage hastily, my son, or for any merely sentimental reasons; but I am sure, as things are, I believe one may have a great many trials even if one remains single, and though I know, of course, that I've had my share of trouble, still I never blamed your poor father one instant--not even for the loss of my six children, which certainly would not have happened if I had not married him.But, as I've often told you, my dear, I think marriage should be rightly regarded more as a duty than as a pleasure.Your Aunt Susannah always said it was like choosing a partner at a ball; for my part, I think it resembles more the selecting of a brand of flour.""And to think that she once cried herself sick because Christopher went hunting during the honeymoon!" exclaimed Tucker, with his pleasant laugh.
"Ah, life is long, and one's honeymoon is only a month, brother,"retorted the old lady; "and I'm not saying anything against love, you know, when it comes to that.Properly conducted, it is a very pleasant form of entertainment.I've enjoyed it mightily myself;but I'm nearing seventy, and the years of love seem very small when I look back.There are many interesting things in a long life, and love for a man is only one among them; which brings me, after all, to the conclusion that the substance of anybody's house is a large price to pay for a single feeling."Christopher leaned over her and held out his arms.
"It is your bedtime, mother--shall I carry you across?" he asked;and as the old lady nodded, he lifted her as if she were a child and held her closely against his breast, feeling his tenderness revive at the clasp of her fragile hands.When he placed her upon her bed, he kissed her good-night and went up the narrow staircase, stooping carefully to avoid the whitewashed ceiling above.
