To His MaskVast empty shell! Impertinent, preposterous abortion! With vacant stare, And ragged hair, And every feature out of all proportion! Embodiment of echoing inanity! Excellent type of simpering insanity! Unwieldy, clumsy nightmare of humanity! I ring thy knell!
To-night thou diest, Beast that destroy'st my heaven-born identity! Nine weeks of nights, Before the lights, Swamped in thine own preposterous nonentity, I've been ill-treated, cursed, and thrashed diurnally, Credited for the smile you wear externally - I feel disposed to smash thy face, infernally, As there thou liest!
I've been thy brain: I'VE been the brain that lit thy dull concavity! The human race Invest MY face With thine expression of unchecked depravity, Invested with a ghastly reciprocity, I'VE been responsible for thy monstrosity, I, for thy wanton, blundering ferocity - But not again!
'T is time to toll Thy knell, and that of follies pantomimical: A nine weeks' run, And thou hast done All thou canst do to make thyself inimical.Adieu, embodiment of all inanity! Excellent type of simpering insanity! Unwieldy, clumsy nightmare of humanity! Freed is thy soul!
(THE MASK RESPONDETH.)
Oh! master mine, Look thou within thee, ere again ill-using me.Art thou aware Of nothing there Which might abuse thee, as thou art abusing me? A brain that mourns THINE unredeemed rascality? A soul that weeps at THY threadbare morality? Both grieving that THEIR individuality Is merged in thine?
The Force Of Argument
Lord B.was a nobleman bold Who came of illustrious stocks, He was thirty or forty years old, And several feet in his socks.
To Turniptopville-by-the-Sea This elegant nobleman went, For that was a borough that he Was anxious to rep-per-re-sent.
At local assemblies he danced Until he felt thoroughly ill; He waltzed, and he galoped, and lanced, And threaded the mazy quadrille.
The maidens of Turniptopville Were simple - ingenuous - pure - And they all worked away with a will The nobleman's heart to secure.
Two maidens all others beyond Endeavoured his cares to dispel - The one was the lively ANN POND, The other sad MARY MORELL.
ANN POND had determined to try And carry the Earl with a rush; Her principal feature was eye, Her greatest accomplishment - gush.
And MARY chose this for her play: Whenever he looked in her eye She'd blush and turn quickly away, And flitter, and flutter, and sigh.
It was noticed he constantly sighed As she worked out the scheme she had planned, A fact he endeavoured to hide With his aristocratical hand.
Old POND was a farmer, they say, And so was old TOMMY MORELL.In a humble and pottering way They were doing exceedingly well.
They both of them carried by vote The Earl was a dangerous man; So nervously clearing his throat, One morning old TOMMY began:
"My darter's no pratty young doll - I'm a plain-spoken Zommerzet man- Now what do 'ee mean by my POLL, And what do 'ee mean by his ANN?
Said B., "I will give you my bond I mean them uncommonly well, Believe me, my excellent POND, And credit me, worthy MORELL.
"It's quite indisputable, for I'll prove it with singular ease, - You shall have it in 'Barbara' or 'Celarent' - whichever you please.
'You see, when an anchorite bows To the yoke of intentional sin, If the state of the country allows, Homogeny always steps in -"It's a highly aesthetical bond, As any mere ploughboy can tell - " "Ofcourse," replied puzzled old POND."I see," said old TOMMY MORELL."Very good, then," continued the lord; "When it's fooled to the top ofits bent, With a sweep of a Damocles sword The web of intention is rent."That's patent to all of us here, As any mere schoolboy can tell."POND answered, "Of course it's quite clear"; And so did that humbug MORELL.
"Its tone's esoteric in force - I trust that I make myself clear?" MORELL only answered, "Of course," While POND slowly muttered, "Hear, hear.""Volition - celestial prize, Pellucid as porphyry cell - Is based on a principle wise." "Quite so," exclaimed POND and MORELL.
"From what I have said you will see That I couldn't wed either - in fine, By Nature's unchanging decree YOUR daughters could never be MINE.
"Go home to your pigs and your ricks, My hands of the matter I've rinsed." So they take up their hats and their sticks,.And EXEUNT AMBO, convinced.
The Ghost, The Gallant, The Gael, And The Goblin
O'er unreclaimed suburban clays Some years ago were hobblin' An elderly ghost of easy ways, And an influential goblin.The ghost was a sombre spectral shape, A fine old five-act fogy, The goblin imp, a lithe young ape, A fine low-comedy bogy.
And as they exercised their joints, Promoting quick digestion, They talked on several curious points, And raised this delicate question: "Which of us two is Number One - The ghostie, or the goblin?" And o'er the point they raised in fun They fairly fell a-squabblin'.
They'd barely speak, and each, in fine, Grew more and more reflective: Each thought his own particular line By chalks the more effective.At length they settled some one should By each of them be haunted, And so arrange that either could Exert his prowess vaunted.
"The Quaint against the Statuesque" - By competition lawful - The goblin backed the Quaint Grotesque, The ghost the Grandly Awful."Now," said the goblin, "here's my plan - In attitude commanding, I see a stalwart Englishman By yonder tailor's standing.
"The very fittest man on earth My influence to try on - Of gentle, p'r'aps of noble birth, And dauntless as a lion! Now wrap yourself within your shroud - Remain in easy hearing - Observe - you'll hear him scream aloud When I begin appearing!
The imp with yell unearthly - wild - Threw off his dark enclosure: His dauntless victim looked and smiled With singular composure.For hours he tried to daunt the youth, For days, indeed, but vainly - The stripling smiled!
- to tell the truth, The stripling smiled inanely.
